I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
