Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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