glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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