stop calling my apartment porn island.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
