Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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