you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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