So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
