I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
