Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A bitchslap is in order.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
