I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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