she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
