You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
