apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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