No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
