i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize