i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
