I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
