Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize