You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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