I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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