I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
