So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
