Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize