Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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