do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
