Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize