Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
