i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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