Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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