Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do herpes really smell.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
