...so i touched it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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