I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need water and some morals
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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