So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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