This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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