honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
