This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
