Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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