Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
