Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
