After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
