I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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