mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
