At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
