Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
