Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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