U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
