Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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