ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
