So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
