Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
