I cannot find my penis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
