That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize