handjob tips. give me some.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
