proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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