i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
