We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
