Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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