Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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