Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
