I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He passed out mid-signature
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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