For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize