Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
