I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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