I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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