why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
