is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize