So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
