She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
