Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
