So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
