They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
