Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
