Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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