I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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