I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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