I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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