i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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