Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
