Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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