this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
