Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
