I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
