My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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